Rainbow Bridge

The rainbow: Sometimes it is a bridge, and sometimes it is not. Sometimes parts of it is a bridge, while other parts are not. SOmetimes it looks like a bridge, while sometimes it looks like parts of a bridge, and these parts may or, indeed, may not be a real bridge. Sometimes the rainbow, or at least parts of it, looks like a bridge, but is not, and other times it doesn't look like much at all.

As for using the rainbow as a means of getting from point A to point B, this is not recommended. Wether or not it is a bridge, it is very treacherous.

If you were to meet a rainbow, do not ever talk to it. Rainbows do not like being spoken to, and nor do bridges, and if the rainbow you meet is in fact also a bridge at the time of your meeting, this rule counts doubly so.

If you start talking to a rainbow, you should follow three simple rules:

• Shut up and hope the best. If you are lucky, it wasn't listening.
• If (1) failed, you will know immediately. However, do NOT apologise. The bridge may spare you, and if you're not dead yet you are spared.
• If none of the above happened, you should run. It's probably too late, but give it a go.

Once upon a time (oh dear oh dear, here we go again,) a rather daft little penguin came face to face with a very colourful rainbow bridge. Since penguins have their brains in their wings, and this particular penguin had had one wing amputated, he had only the half the brain capacity of a normal penguin. And they are not very smart in the first place, since they can't even fly.

This penguin, who would like to remain anonymous, so let's call him Newt, stood before the rainbow for a while.

Then, after some consideration, Newt spake, and thus he spake: "I spake," he said.

"So indeed you did," said the rainbow in a dark rumbling voice.

"My Lord, you spake too," said the penguin, ever so slightly befuddled.

"I am but a plain rainbow, my dear little penguinette."

"Little I am," piped Newt. "but spake I did."

"And that was not very smart," said the rainbow, colours flowing uncertainly beyond their intended borders.

"Oh?" chittered the penguin.

"Spakeness we can do without. In fact, we dislike."

"Oh."

"And for that act alone, I must eat you."

"No."

"I'm afraid so."

"Why are you afraid?"

"Ok," muttered the rainbow, "I am not afraid. In fact, I am very hungry."

"Can I speak first?" asked Newt.

"You already did."

"There are two more penguins coming after me, both bigger and fatter than me. You should take one of them instead."

"Hmm..." The rainbow mulled over this for a moment.

"Can I leave then?"

"But there is no troll under me," said the rainbow.

"Spook the troll?" Newt inquired.

"You can say that, yes."

"I just did," he declared.

"So I heard."

"Well?"

"Ok, I shall leave you this time, and take one of your friends. Go to sleep, and sleep safe."

And so Newt did. When he woke up the next morning, the rainbow bridge was gone, and he mourned the loss of a dear friend.