Fox God

So you wonder why you have to pick your noise in the wedding of your best mate, who asked you to take his place. The bride doesn't particularly want to touch your finger, let alone lick it, after you remove it from your nose again. The priest wrinkles his nose in disgust.

You offer to pick his nose as well. He nearly vomits where he stands, then he mutters a prayer to the Lazy Bastard Up There, asking him to save him from such an uncivilized idiot like you. The priest is then knocked over by a fox that sprints into the church, believing, for some reason, that it has become God.

The fox stands on the altar, and says, "gnark."

"God, you are here!" shouts the priest, now lying on the floor.

"I am indeed!" gloats the fox happily. "Hey, what are you doing on the floor, little servant?"

"You knocked- Sorry, Your Holiness, I fell over." The priest scrambles to his feet.

"I require you, my loyal one, up here with the High Ones!" bellows the fox.

"What do you want me to do, My Lord?" asks the priest.

The fox thinks. "Ah, hah," it says, and points at you. "Eat him."

"Sorry?"

"Eat him."

"Eat him?"

"Yes!"

"But.. why?" The priest looks around uncertainly.

"Doubt you me, little speck there on the carpet?" asks the fox angrily. There is no carpet on the floor, but you think it best not to point that out.

"No, but.."

The fox' face lightens up as he thinks of something. "He was going to PICK your nose," the fox reminds the priest.

The face of the priest changes in an instant. This is when you start looking around for a way out. There is only one; the way you came in.

"Eat him!"

The priest walks towards you, anger casting shadows in his face. You decide to run for it.

Now, you can't outrun a dog, you can't outrun a fox, and you most certainly can't outrun God.

Except when God has come in the shape of a megalomaniac fox that's too lazy to move, and orders a priest to eat you. But the priest is too slow. You escape.

This time.