"Oh my god!"


"Oh. My. God!"

"What?!" screamed her father.

"Look at this!"


"This!" she yelled and pointed.

"That banana?"

"Yes, look at it!"

"What about it? It's just a banana."

"No, it's not!"

"What's the matter with it then?"

"It's talking to me!"



He looked at his daughter, thoughts rippling through his mind like a glacier moving on speed. Questions emerged from the depths of very deep indeed. He admitted to himself, albeit reluctantly, that his daughter probably had lost it completely. She would need some serious help somewhere, probably a mental institution of some kind.

Then the banana spoke.

Or rather it didn't. But he thought it spoke.

"It's true, you know," said the banana.

"What?" asked the father daftly.

"I do speak."

"Do you?"

"Yes. I like to speak, too."

"You do?"

"Yes. It is invigorating."

"Is it?"

"Yes, but never mind."

"Never mind?"

"Look, you're making a fool of yourself."

"Am I?"

The banan sighed.

The father thought he thought, but in fact, for a while, he didn't. His mind simply shut down. Then, when he had regained something resembling intelligence, he thought that not only did his daughter have to go to a mental insititution, but so did he.

"Look -" started the banana.

"I am looking," said the father. "Very hard."

"Look, ok, you've not gone mad."

"Really." Disbelief wouldn't really describe the tone of his voice, nor would dripping irony.

"I am from a different solar system."

"You.." started the father weakly. His daughter giggled hysterically in the background. "You.. are.. a.. banana.."


"Bananas. Grow. On. Trees."

"Hmm.. yes, most bananas do."


"Well, obviously I didn't."

"Ah. I see." He didn't, of course, but that's as moot a point as is possible in such a situation.

"No, you don't." Nothing fools a banana.

His daughter opened her mouth and took a big bite of the banana, chewed and swallowed.

A long bout of silence followed.

"Oh dear," was all her father could think of.