Aragorn & Arwen
Aragorn was the greatest traveller and huntsman of this age of the world. To become thus, he had travelled a lot. Hunting was only a pasttime, really, but some people are born with certain talents.
Arwen, daughter of Elrond, was the Evenstar of her people, and it was her perfectly arranged white teeth that glowed and showed them the way through dark nights in evil country. Sauron could not stand those teeth.
They were born for each other, and the tale of when they met for the first time is a special one.
It was in the days of darkness it happened. Gandalf and Aragorn had been travelling (and hunting) together on their way to Rivendell, when at the ford they met the Evenstar.
"Teeth," were Aragorns first thoughts. Then: "Nice tits." And he had fallen in love.
She was coming the opposite way and rode straight past him.
"Hey," he said as she passed nearby. "I think you forgot something?"
A furrow on her otherwise perfect model-face. "What?"
"Me," said Aragorn and turned around and followed her. Gandalf just shook his head and went for dinner in Rivendell.
A while later the two of them joined the rest at the dinner table, where seated were also Gloín the dwarf and Frodo the rather annoying little hobbit who just could not keep his damn mouth shut for more than a couple of minutes. They say he bore a rather heavy ring, but Aragorn thought that a feeble excuse.
After dinner there was dancing in-between the drinking and shouting. It all sort of went by in a flurry, and Aragorn wondered the next morning, while suffering a sore head, what had actually been in the drinks. To his amusement, Gandalf looked even worse.
When the festivities drew to a close, Aragorn and Arwen just so happened to end up in the same room. They stared at each other as if they would never see the other ever again.
"Love me now!" Arwen cried. And he did.
Nine months later they didn't have a baby, but this was because of rather complicated scientific reasons - none of which Gandalf could cure.
Time did as time usually does: passed by, and time came for Arwen and Aragorn to split each to their own for a while. Aragorn needed to travel - and hunt. Arwen had neglected brushing her teeth and had an appointment at the dentists.
At the eve of parting, under the full moon in the middle of a pond in Elrond's private garden, they stood holding hands, while it was pissing down.
"I give you my heart," said Arwen. "I am yours, in eternity."
"I cannot accept such a gift," said Aragorn.
"It is my gift to give. My heart to give." And she opened her chest, grabbed her heart and handed it to Aragorn.
Then she promptly died.
Aragorn cried a warriors cry into the silent night. The world stopped, silence ruled - yes, even the birds followed orders and shut up for a moment. The cry echoed across the desert, between the mountains, over the oceans, and was heard far and wide and people mourned with Aragorn.
But then a thought struck him, and he lay unconscious for several hours.
He woke to the sight of Gloín the smelly dwarf.
"Hah! But you're a dwarf!" Aragorn said, and laughed cheekily. Gloín felt quite offended and stabbed him. So Aragorn had to travel from the bed he lay on, hunt him down and chop his head off. Smiling satisfied, he muttered, "Headless dwarf." Then he fell over laughing.
Gandalf scratched his beard, "This isn't going to plan."
"Gandalf!" shouted Aragorn.
"Aragorn!" shouted Gandalf.
"Gandalf!" shouted Aragorn.
"Why are you shouting!?" shouted Gandalf.
"Gandalf! Let me embrace you!"
Gandalf hesitated. "Aragorn?" he asked seriously. "Are you gay?"
"I have lost the one love I had! She gave me her heart and she died!" Then, gathering himself, he seemed to find an inner peace. "Hmm.. I don't know. I'm rather confused at the moment. Does it matter if I am?"
Gandalf sighed.
"Look, Gandalf," said Aragorn sadly, "Arwen gave me her heart." And Gandalf looked at the heart in Aragorn's hands.
Then Aragorn kissed the heart, but unfortunately choked on the blood, and so he, too, died. They met in heaven as one then, Aragorwen.
Gandalf gave up. He stole the ring, killed Sauron, and became the new Uberlord.