09 - Awakening

The Great and Overwhelmingly Mighty Boa Constrictor very occasionally ponders the meaning of life, the meaning of life and the meaning of life. Every time he came to the exact same conclusion - the meaning of life, life and life was this: eating. He was proud of the fact that he could sum of the meaning of three completely different things in one single word. His mum would have been proud too, had he had one.

When Max woke up it felt very much like early morning to him. This is a bit odd, because it was indeed early morning and usually mornings felt like very earyl mornings to him. Something felt a bit funny, he thought, but could not put a finger on exactly what. The reason for this is that thoughts are indeed hard to put your finger on.

He felt awfully hungry, so he decided to have breakfast. Afterwards he did not feel hungry anymore, and although he could not remember what he had for breakfast he felt alright because he wasn't hungry anymore. He contemplated this magic for half a second before it eluded him and he gawped at the sun outside. It was, as always, pink.

Max turned around to go outside when suddenly into his hand flew a pack of ten slices of cooked ham, and into his other hand a jar of mayonaisse. He looked at the mayonaisse first, because the first that sprang into his mind unbidden was that mayonaisse was not very healthy for you - at least in large quantities.

However he despised unbidden thoughts even more than large quantities of mayonaisse so he chased it down and killed it. As the thought was gulping desperately for existence, he whispered mischievously, "You bastard." And this was exactly what the thought was when it died.

He threw the mayonaisse, who died on impact and some people lived that might not have lived otherwise. It is not known why this was, but it was so. It is also not known if people died that might not have died, because they were not there to tell the tale.

Max pondered something. Ah. He pondered his wife. Her, and a left arm of an unknown woman that had made him sleep. Just remembering the arm made him feel sleepy again so he slept, but only for a little while.

When he woke up again his mind was not at all clearer, although the sky was slightly better because it was clouded and the pinkness was slightly less. He thought. He had to find his wife who had disappeared at the Plate. Or was it the Place? He had to find this Plate first, then he could find his wife and they would go home.

But where was this Plate? And what kind of Plate was it? It had been very evil, he remembered now.Voices talking to him, urging him to step across to some kind of Other Side. A side that was Just Across The River. He hadn't seen a river at all, but hadn't realised at the time. He realised now and the realisation made him realise that he was shit scared.

He had to find the Plate. He considered what direction he should take. Then he considered each direction in turn. When he realised that each direction was exactly the same direction he found it easy to choose. He walked forward.